Now, if your car is anywhere near the state mine is in, you’ll briefly consider taking a blowtorch to the whole thing and hope that something survives. DO NOT DO THAT. There might be approximately 5 billion tons of garbage back there, but laying waste to your precious car and having to deal with piles of ash and regret are not worth it. The first step is to sort through the clothes, garbage, and what little bits of dignity you can find back there and make piles of things to “save” and “trash”. But, let’s not fool ourselves, at this point there is no salvageable dignity to be found.

Now that your car is trash free and doesn’t let off a distinctly 2016 level terrible vibe, there is a glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. You can now start to vacuum up the dirt and inevitable shame that has embedded itself into the deepest parts of your carpet. You may need more than one pass with the vacuum, that shame is really clinging.

For your finishing touches, you can use a slightly damp cloth and wipe down your dashboard and gently clean out the vents. You don’t want to use a sopping wet cloth as too much water can do more harm than help, and let’s be real, you won’t need much excess water because at this point tears of joy are streaming down your face because you’ve done it. Your car is clean. It is now safe for friends and family to enter your car without having to wear a hazard suit and a distinctly disappointed expression. But none of that matters now, because you conquered your car, and now you can return to your natural habitat, known as the couch, with Netflix and a taco.